I’m by no means calling myself a role model. In fact, I often fall short, and I’m the first to admit that I don’t always live out my faith perfectly. Like everyone, I am human and I sin. But thank the Lord that my mistakes don’t define me. Jesus has changed my life for the better, and in this blog, when I talk about being a role model, I’m talking about showcasing Christ, not boasting ourselves. When people see me, I want them to see Christ. How He has showed up and changed me, and continues to work on my heart daily. I want to live out His word. I want to show others that even though I am so imperfect, He still loves me. In every relationship we have, there are so many opportunities to show others Christ, and that’s what it’s all about.
I had wonderful role models growing up who led me to Christ, and my hope is that my marriage and family reflect Christ’s love. I want our children, our friends, and even strangers to see Jesus in us—and for that to help them grow in their own faith. So, how can we be better role models of God’s love to others?
Marriage in Christ
I grew up with an amazing example of what a marriage should look like and what Christian parenting should look like. My parents are by no means perfect, but they were great role models for me to follow even before I got saved.
My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married for 30 years. They got saved before having me and my brother and we were lucky enough to grow up in a Christian household. I’ve never heard my parents cuss, I’ve never seen them drink, I never had to worry if they were coming home that night or not, and I never questioned my parents love and loyalty to one another. They are a unit. There’s no separate bank accounts, no going out without the other to party or put themselves in sticky situations. There’s no mom without dad and no dad without mom. If you lived in their household you went to church. We were disciplined as kids. My parents were involved in my life. They made sure I was behaving at school and on the right track. They provided structure and love. Though I didn’t realize it then, my parents were modeling a healthy, Christ-centered marriage.
When me and Devin first started dating there were many problems, which is typical for high school relationships that are driven by worldly desires and expectations. Sometimes I would feel uncomfortable with a situation- such as being alone with people of the opposite sex, “snap chatting” people of the opposite sex, etc. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I felt like these situations were wrong because of the example my parents set for me growing up. Even though in today’s society some things might be deemed “normal”, I knew that something didn’t feel right. I knew that these situations didn’t feel respectful to our relationship and then we would end up in an argument.
Growing up with high schoolers and college students doing what society says is okay, but seeing the example my parents set for me left me conflicted. Sometimes I’d brush it off even if I felt convicted about it, because it was the norm to go and drink with “friends”, or snapchat 20+ people no matter what their sex was even if you were in a committed relationship. This led to a lot of insecurities, and a lack of trust. We weren’t on the same page about boundaries and respect or the long term goals we had. Ultimately we broke up multiple times, but officially our junior year of college. During that time we both got saved without knowing the other had. We both focused on our walk with Christ and getting our morals aligned with His word and His ways. We realized that we were being set apart from the world and that our relationships, our attitude, our priorities, etc. should not be like everyone else’s. We are set apart because we have been changed by Christ.
When me and Devin finally reconnected and decided to try this again, we knew that the only way to make it work was to have Jesus at the center of it. So, as we started to restructure our relationship we dove into scripture. We talked about our longevity and where we wanted this relationship to go. Some relationships date just to date, with no real commitment laid out. We knew that we were dating to marry and that we needed to start acting like it. Since we had started our walk with Christ some changes were simple because we had both been convicted about what was right or wrong in our committed relationship. For instance, we do not hangout with people of the opposite sex without each other there. We don’t go drink or party or put ourselves in situations that could lead to any disrespectfulness or a doorway to more sin. We knew that with Christ at the center and reading His word, everything else will follow, and it did. We were on the same page about everything because we had a literal book telling us what God deems as right and wrong. We were more confident in our choices because they were honoring God and each other instead of pushing the boundaries and creeping towards more sin.
Seeing my parents example of a Christian marriage made me aware that the world’s “wokeness” on relationships wasn’t going to cut it, but getting saved and being in a relationship with a man who also loved and feared the Lord made a world of a difference. I am eternally grateful for my parents showing me what a marriage should look like because it helped me and Devin get to where we are now in our walks with Christ. Our marriage is far from perfect, don’t get me wrong. We bicker, have disagreements, get annoyed, etc. but ultimately we have Christ and we see the bigger picture. I was blessed to have steadfast parents and now have a Jesus loving husband, but even if you didn’t have a good example of what a marriage should look like- it’s written out in His word! He shows us how to treat one another, what to value, and how to be husband and wife!
Matthew 19:4-6
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
One of my favorite things about being married is really feeling like a unit. I thought I knew that feeling when we were dating, but it is completely different when you’re married and you’re all in. Everything we have is ours, nothing is separate and nothing is a secret. Decisions that need to be made, we make together. Visiting family? Buying something new? Not coming home straight after work? We’re discussing it. Leaning into this, in my opinion, stops a lot of marital fights before they even happen!
Ephesians 5:22-30
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
Many people see the “submit” part and get all defensive, I know I did. One thing I didn’t anticipate from becoming a Christian and reading God’s word, is that I would lean more into being feminine and less “feminist”. That might also make some people defensive, but it’s my life. I used to buy into the whole feminist thing, but let’s be honest – having a strong man lead the family unit is the most attractive thing he can do! I will gladly be the homemaker! I want to be the woman that he loves as much as he loves himself! Having a man who will take care of you and provide for you is such a blessing. I want to be led and protected while I take care of the heart of the family. Men and women are designed by God with specific strengths and traits, and if you lean into them I personally believe the marriage works better.
Parenting with Purpose
Now that we’ve been married for a year we are excited about having kids soon. As we’ve read through the Bible, and as I’ve seen good and not so great parenting as a teacher- Devin and I have a strong idea of how we want to raise our little disciples. I am very thankful of how I was raised, it has definitely set a good foundation for what me and Devin want to take into our own lives. Growing up I had a good understanding of right and wrong because I was disciplined. My parents weren’t my friends, thank goodness, they were the parents. As a kid you don’t need another friend, you need structure and love from a parent. You need guidance from an authoritative figure. I didn’t need my parents buying me alcohol or letting me drink underage, I needed a mom and dad to tell me right from wrong and not let me get away with stuff I shouldn’t be doing. I needed parents who kept me in church no matter how far I was straying, because eventually I got saved. Now at the time I might not have thought this, but looking back I am so grateful my parents showed up as Christian parents. After reading God’s word I know as a parent I should…….
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 3:11-12
11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
The worst thing we can do for children is not show up as their parents. The Lord discipline’s and loves like a father should. He wants what is best for us. He doesn’t want us falling into sin and temptation. He wants us to have joy and life everlasting. The song, “We The Kingdom – God Is On The Throne”, perfectly voices this.
Now, unfortunately, you could be the best Christian parent ever and yet your child still acts out. That’s life, BUT you laid the foundation and you set the example- ultimately God’s in control and has a plan for them. I can imagine that Philippians 4:6-7 is going to be a constant verse for me when parenting: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”. I am going to need plenty of guidance from God, just like my parents needed when they raised me and my brother.
I know that no matter what, I want to set the example of what God has laid out in His word for my kids. I want them to see firsthand how we have been redeemed by Christ and are now set apart as Christians. I want them to see it from their grandparents as well. Even though they might go through their rebellious years or make bad choices, I know that somewhere at the back of their mind they’ll know what Devin, myself, and God expects of them and wants for their lives. If I can do anything to get my kids closer to Christ and to be saved, I’m going to do it, and that means reading the Word and living out the Word. Easier said than done, I know, but that’s the mission. In 2 Timothy, Paul recounts Timothy’s families faith:
2 Timothy 1:5
I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.
This is important because his family helped guide and instruct him in the ways of the Lord, and eventually he became a disciple to Paul and a missionary sharing the Good News. This is a wonderful- best case scenario in my opinion as a parent.
Even if you had the worst role models for parents- the ultimate and most perfect example of a parent is God and you can learn all about Him as a father through His word and a relationship with Him. Whether you’re a parent or grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend, etc. you have the ability to help lead a child to know Christ. So I encourage you- read His word and start to live it out. No matter how old they are, I can promise you that they are watching and they are internalizing what they see and hear. Make it good, make it Christ.
All of this comes down to being a Christ like example for those around you. You can show your children, grandchildren, friends, coworkers, etc. how to follow and abide in Christ and His word, and whether they realize it now or not, you are showing them Christ. You can either help guide or deter someone in their walk with Christ by how you show up each day in your relationships.
These verses address what I’ve been convicted of lately..
Ephesians 5:1-33
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Titus 2:7
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,
How can you be a Christ-like example in your everyday relationships?
Think about one area of your life where you can make a change that reflects God’s love and truth. These are questions I am asking myself, and maybe they will help guide you as well;
- What type of role model do you want to be?
- When others see you, what do they see?
- Do they see how Christ has redeemed you?
- Do they see how Christ is working in you and through you each day?
- Do they see you honoring God in how you speak, act, and instruct others?
- Do your words and actions help guide others closer to Christ or are you leading others into sin away from Him?
Personally, I want to be in His Word learning about Him and then doing His will. I want to be in the word with Devin. Reading it together, talking about God and scripture, game planning how to apply it. I want our kids to see us having our own Bible time, and I also want to lead my children in Bible studies. I cannot wait for the day we have family devotionals at our dining room table with our little ones. It all starts with your heart posture with God and your knowledge of His word. If you don’t know His word, how can you abide in Him? How can you show others Him?
I didn’t give clear examples of right or wrong, because it’s not my place to tell you. That’s for you and God to hash out. This was just what I have been convicted of and what I now realize as an adult moving into cultivating my own family. I hope that you can take something away from this. Maybe you want your grandkids to know Christ, and this is your chance to start showcasing Him. My mawmaw always sings songs from Bible school and church. You can always hear her humming somewhere in the house. It doesn’t take much to start planting seeds. Maybe you want your future or current marriage to be an example for your kids. Start working on it now by reading God’s word and talking to Him!
Hopefully this week you grow closer in your walk with Christ, and can start emulating Him by your words and actions. Who knows… maybe what you do today helps lead someone a little closer to knowing God.